Separation anxiety is a completely normal developmental milestone for your child–but that doesn’t make it easy to handle! Sometimes even parents can experience separation anxiety, especially if their child throws a tantrum at dropoff.
Neither you nor your child wants to experience separation anxiety, so how can you help your child overcome their fears and have an uneventful dropoff? Here are 6 tips that parents find helpful.
1. Foster Independence At Home
Because your child starts out being completely helpless, it’s easy to do everything for your child, even when they are capable of doing things themselves. Parents are faster, cleaner, and more accurate at things like getting your child dressed, fed, and cleaned up.
But parents have to be careful not to rob their children of the opportunity to learn independence at a young age. While it doesn’t mean parents should never help their children, encouraging your child’s independence is an excellent way to reduce separation anxiety.
When a child feels successful at being independent at home, they will naturally feel confident about being successful in daycare. They know they don’t have to rely on their parents to take care of them; they can take care of themselves!
Fostering independence can start even in infancy. For instance, during play time, you can perform a task and then say “Molly’s turn!” or “Molly do it!” At first help your child complete the task, but you’ll soon find this fun game can help them realize they can play independently.
For toddlers and young children, plan for extra time for them to accomplish tasks on their own. Let them pick out their clothes and dress themselves, serve their own meals, and perform simple tasks like putting silverware in the dishwasher. Be sure to verbally praise and reinforce their efforts.
2. Use Visual Images to Represent Time
A contributing factor to separation anxiety is that children don’t understand the passing of time. It is understandably scary to hear “your mom will be here in two hours” when you have no idea how long two hours is!
Printing out a schedule with bright colors and images can help your child visualize their day. You can even give a copy to your child’s classroom teacher to help them understand time.
3. Give a Security Object
Whether it’s a blanket, lovey, stuffed toy, or other object, a security toy will help your child feel calmer upon drop off. A security object will help your child stay connected with you, even when they can’t see you.
Soft or fabric toys are generally the best security toys because they are easy to cuddle with. They even absorb your scent so that your child (especially babies, who often recognize their parents by scent rather than sight) can feel a connection to you.
4. Be a Model
Your child looks up to you in everything, and that includes how they should act during a drop off. If they sense you are anxious, sad, frustrated, or annoyed, this will only heighten your child’s anxiety and the intensity of an ensuing tantrum.
Resolve to be a calm, confident, caring parent at drop off.
5. Be Quick 
Give hugs and kisses, but don’t belabor drop off; it’s not good for you or your child. Then, it’s ok to leave! Your child may cry, but this shouldn’t deter you from leaving. You shouldn’t feel guilty or anxious.
It’s a paternal instinct to comfort our child when they are sad, but returning over and over again will only add to everyone’s frustration. It will take longer for your child to settle down because they think you will return if they just keep crying. Instead, be genuine in your affection, but keep your drop off short and sweet.
6. Have a Drop Off Routine
It’s never too late to develop a special drop off routine! These can be fun and suit the age and needs of your child.
- A silly handshake
- A sequence of big and little hugs and kisses
- A short song or rhyme
- An affirmation like “I am strong and brave”
It’s also never too early to develop a special drop off routine! For babies, you can:
- Sing a little song, or do a simple nursery rhyme like “This Little Piggy” or “Pat a Cake”
- Give their security toy a kiss and then hand them the toy
- Play a short tickle game
Conclusion
Remember, separation anxiety is normal and even healthy. It shows your child loves you and feels secure and happy with you.
Separation anxiety is also temporary. The more you and your child practice, the easier drop off will get. Your child will eventually learn that you do return, and you will eventually grow accustomed to temporary separation.
At Milestones Learning Center, our teachers are skilled at helping children gain confidence and independence in their classrooms. They will help your child become comfortable in their new environment, ready to grow and reach new milestones.
